You loved and loves someone badly - and he or she loves in another some one what you reaction at that emotion moments?? A story content based on the subject mentioned to "moving on" in life, no waiting and hesitating to find the right path to move on.
My father is no longer with us - but I will never forget the words he spoke to me that helped me “move on” to proceed ahead in this cruel world!
I had been grieving my loss of an 8 year relationship- not knowing how I could ever “move on”. I went through every emotion of grief it is possible to feel. My friends and family literally held me together while I fell apart. I was wallowing in my self pity, crying myself to sleep, taking one day at a time. It hurt, it hurt so badly. I felt completely broken and did not know how to settle & fix myself. This went on for about 4 months, and then one day I was crying on the phone to my Dad. (My family lived far away, but kept checking in on me). He then said to me, almost in frustration :“come on my girl, you’ve grieved enough now. You are one of the strongest people I know. You can get through this.” Those words changed my life. I thought, if my father thinks that I am one of the strongest people he knows, it must be true! If he believes that, how can I let him down, how can I let myself down!
The very next day, I made some decisions. I gave notice at the place I had shared with my ex , and started looking for new accommodation. I made a decision to give the beautiful German shepherd dog we had to him. (I do regret that decision, as I loved her too, but still think I made the right decision at the time. He had trained her, and she was pining for him too. I was staying home with her instead of getting out and I almost felt like I had to lose everything to build myself again. I couldn’t believe all the wonderful friends I had who piled in to help me move. Almost every male friend I had came to help - I hardly had to do anything. I felt so humbled by the love and loyalty of my friends. I could tell you stories of the “angels” that came into my life at that time. Some I never saw again, but served a purpose. (I remember one evening walking around the lake near our place with our dog, tears rolling down my cheeks, and bumping into a guy who had been in his residence at uni when we had first met. He was a really good looking man too. When he recognized me, saw me crying-he took me aside to a park bench and heard my story. I remember him hugging me and telling me how envious the guys had been of my ex, because I was such a beautiful girl. We were completely different people, but he took me out with his “wild” crowd - not romantically- he just wanted to help me get my confidence back! I will never forget the kindness of Ram - as he was one of my angels indeed.
Back to my story. The moment I moved into my garden cottage I found, I just knew I could heal there. For the first time in my life, I was living on my own, in my own place, and I loved it! It was in a trendy, suburbs area of Mumbai city, and my friends would drag me out to the clubs and bars. I started to smile again, laugh again. I went on a few dates, but hated it, as I hated to let the men down when they wanted to pursue things. I discovered I was popular and actually quite a catch! Everyone advised and suggest me to “find someone else”, but I wasn’t ready. I made the decision that I wasn’t going to date for the moment, just focus on career, friends and finding myself- and then the most karma & karm thing happened.
My ex had moved cities to pursue his “new romance” and was probably finding the grass wasn’t that greener. He would keep calling me up and I could sense he was missing me and hated knowing I was now ““moving on” and then I went and met the last person he would have wanted me to be with!
One day, about 6 months after our break up, I go to a birthday party of a guy friend. His best friend had actually worked with my ex. I had known him for years, but as a friend of a friend. He knew all about the “office secrets” , when my ex was setting up the new romance in the wings. He had felt so bad for me, knew I must have been going through agony, but hadn’t felt it was his place to reach out. We met again that evening and I was just having fun, flirting with all the guys, including him. As we parted that evening, I gave him my business card and flirtatiously said “ and remember, I’m single now!”and that’s how I started dating him. Even though I was not ready to date, somehow I just felt safe with him. He knew my history and was prepared to just be a friend if that was all I wanted. He left it to me to take it further when I was ready. He is the one who told me that the best revenge was to live a beautiful life, and that’s exactly what I did- with him. We’ve been married for 20 years this 2020.
So here my thoughts on “moving on”. It starts with a decision to do so. Then it requires action. It requires courage and acceptance. Take baby steps if you have to, but get out there and start changing your life. Then it requires attitude. This is where you gather all your pride and self respect and say, “I’m bigger than this, I’m taking my power back. I can be and do whatever I want with or without you.” You learn to love who you are and not need someone else to validate or “love” you. And the love you gave him- well you give it to yourself of course! I remember visualizing a picture of him walking away from me , saying goodbye to him, and then taking all the love I felt and wrapping myself in it, comforting myself- it felt good.
I hope my story of moving on helps you. I have never forgotten my ex, my relationship with him meant something to me, but I was able to let go, and move on much quicker than I ever thought I would. And when I let go of the emotions, I came to see with more clarity, that he could not give me what I needed in a relationship, but the man who became my husband could. I did go on to live a beautiful life and prove to my father, that I am one of the strongest people he knows!
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